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% Starting a New Sexual Relationship After a Sex Hiatus Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Sexual Health
Get Ready for Sex Again
Great tips for getting back in the game when you haven t been in a sexual relationship for a while
By Beth LevineMedically Reviewed by Allison Young, MDReviewed: April 9, 2018Medically Reviewed
Great tips for getting back in the game when you haven t been in a sexual relationship for a while After a hiatus from partner sex, you’ll want to prepare your body and mind to return to the activity.iStockLet’s say you’ve been out of the sexual arena for a while, for whatever reason — divorced, widowed, just haven’t found that right connection — but you are ready to start playing again. Congratulations for jumping back into life! Rest assured, the parts still perform the same way they always have, albeit maybe a little bit slower and less acrobatically.
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What goes up still must come down; if it went in, it’s got to come out. This should bring you up to date on the rest.
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Have fun! RELATED: Healthy Sex: The Ultimate Guide
Allow Yourself to Have Whatever Rules and Limitations You Want
Think about what you want to accomplish: Just a casual encounter to get yourself moving again?
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Friends with benefits? Or a serious relationship? And it’s important to know that you might not want to have sex with somebody until you know them well, which is just fine.
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“There is nothing wrong with taking it slow. You are absolutely allowed to do it whatever way you feel like,” says Joanna Whitcup, PhD, a clinical fellow of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists in private practice in Capitola, Californa.
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RELATED: 9 Natural Ways To Boost Your Sex Life
If You Are Insecure About Your Body Do What You Can and Forget the Rest
Insecure about someone new seeing you naked? “I don’t suggest major diets or unrealistic workout regimens, but being active does make you feel more vital,” says Dr.
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Whitcup. You don’t need a glam body but it couldn’t hurt to up your exercise and maintain good nutrition.
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It can make you feel more energetic, help calm anxiety and boost self-confidence. If you still have that self-critical piece that whispers, “I’m not good enough,” consider therapy to reset the old tapes that go on in your head. (And if you do end up with someone who body-shames you, run, don’t walk.
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This is not the one for you.)
Relearn What Your Body Needs and How It Responds
Explore and get back in touch with your body so you are not totally unfamiliar with the plumbing. Increase your masturbation practices, if you haven’t done so.
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Whitcup urges, “Learn what you enjoy and respond to. Pay attention to fantasies. Basic, nonsexual massages are a great place to start if you haven’t been touched in a while.”
RELATED: The Truth About 8 Masturbation and Self-Stimulation Myths
Women Prepare Your Body for Sexual Activity
“Especially in menopause, the vagina absolutely has a 'use it lose it' phenomenon.
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Maintaining is always easier than regaining. Once the vagina becomes more dry, narrow, and shortened, the process of restoring health can take a lot more effort,” says Barb DePree, MD, director of women’s midlife services at Holland Hospital in Michigan and founder of MiddlesexMD.com. She advises the following:Using a vibrator that can be inserted into the vagina encourages blood supply to the genitals, which promotes health in those tissues.Vaginal dilators can restore elasticity.Approximately 17 percent of women ages 18 to 50 experience vaginal dryness, even before menopause takes place; around 58 percent of post-menopausal women report dryness.
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(1) Maintaining some moisture can be accomplished with the consistent use of a vaginal moisturizer. Once the vagina is desert level dry, moisturizers may not be able to restore things to where they once were.
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This is where using a prescription of localized estrogen, Osphena or Intrarosa, or laser therapy may be helpful, says Dr. Depree.
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RELATED: 8 Basic Rules for Maintaining a Healthy Vagina
Discuss With Your Doctor About Getting an HPV Vaccine
Human papillomavirus (HPV) is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that can cause various cancers in both men and women. There are currently three types of HPV vaccines, usually given in a series of shots starting when an individual is in their teens or preteens and finishing when they're in their twenties.
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Check with your healthcare professional whether the vaccine is appropriate for you. RELATED: HPV Vaccine Offers Cancer and Genital Wart Prevention
Choose Your Birth Control Method Ahead of Time br class lsbr
If there is a chance you might be sexually active, get ready with birth control. You don’t want to be in the heat of the moment and realize, "oh, wait." There are a lot to choose from: Condoms, pills, IUDs, and diaphragms.
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Talk with your doctor about your choices and what would make the most sense for you. RELATED: What Are the Best and Worst Birth Control Options?
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Know That Condoms and Dental Dams Are Necessary
Everyone tends to think that their chosen partner couldn’t possibly have an STD — until they do. No matter what kind of birth control you choose, you need to practice safer sex to minimize the chances of contracting an STD or HIV, so come prepared, says Jennifer Berman, MD, a urologist and sexual health expert based in Los Angeles.
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Condoms do a great job of protection, if you use them correctly from start to finish every time — just don’t use them with anything but water-based lubricants. Oil-based lubes can degrade the condom, leading to breakage. If you plan on performing oral sex on a woman, use a dental dam.
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Also, if you find you are allergic to latex, there are nonlatex condoms and dams available. RELATED: Condoms Keep You Safe in More Ways Than One
Side note: A study published in January 2016 in the journal AIDS and Behavior found that both alcohol intoxication and a history of sexual aggression may increase the risk of condom use resistance from young men with female partners. Word to the wise.
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RELATED: Taking Care Of Your Sexual Health
Both of You Need to Get Tested to Be 100 Percent Protected
Condoms don’t offer total disease protection. Viral STDs that shed on the skin, such as HPV and hepatitis C, aren’t totally blocked. “There can be lesions on the scrotum, perineum, groin, and the upper part of the penile shaft that may not be totally covered by the condom,” Dr.
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Berman cautions. As embarrassing as it might seem, talk to your potential lover about his or her health history. If you want to have sex without a condom or dental dam, both parties need to be tested.
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And once you get tested, you need to get tested again six weeks later. “If he or she had sex a week prior, it may not convert to HIV positive for another six weeks,” Berman points out. NEWSLETTERS
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Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking
ReferencesInsufficient Lubrication. Sex Info Online University of California, Santa Barbara. November 27, 2017.Davis KC, Danube CL, Neilson EC, et al.
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Distal and Proximal Influences on Men’s Intentions to Resist Condoms: Alcohol, Sexual Aggression History, Impulsivity, and Social-Cognitive Factors. AIDs and Behavior.
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January 2016. SourcesHow to Use a Vaginal Dilator. Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.Show Less
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