Is Your Guy Bad in Bed Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Sexual Health
Is Your Guy Bad in Bed
By Norine Dworkin-McDaniel Reviewed: November 17, 2017Fact-CheckedSofie Delauw/StocksyEven if you love your man, his sex moves may leave you wanting. Fortunately, with a little tactful communication, your lovemaking can quickly go from lackluster to lusty.
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Liam Wilson 4 minutes ago
Read on for sex experts’ tips on how to turn your guy into the lover of your dreams…
Back in my ...
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Harper Kim 2 minutes ago
His kisses lit me up like a pinball machine.But when we got into bed, and he started moving south �...
Read on for sex experts’ tips on how to turn your guy into the lover of your dreams…
Back in my single life, there was one man I couldn’t get enough of. His touch made me shiver.
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Hannah Kim 1 minutes ago
His kisses lit me up like a pinball machine.But when we got into bed, and he started moving south �...
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Julia Zhang 2 minutes ago
Change positions? Can’t he tell? Hey, I confirmed my lunch tomorrow, right?...
His kisses lit me up like a pinball machine.But when we got into bed, and he started moving south – well, his technique did too.I like the slow build of the tango, and he was doing the jitterbug. Soon, my brain started whirring: Should I say something? Stop him?
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Kevin Wang Member
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8 minutes ago
Change positions? Can’t he tell? Hey, I confirmed my lunch tomorrow, right?
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Brandon Kumar 1 minutes ago
It’s never good when my erotic mind starts running through my to-do list.Then I thought, Uh-oh! He...
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Scarlett Brown 2 minutes ago
I wanted to reward his perseverance. And since he was the type to ask if I’d had an orgasm, and I ...
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Evelyn Zhang Member
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25 minutes ago
It’s never good when my erotic mind starts running through my to-do list.Then I thought, Uh-oh! He’s been gunning the engine for a while and probably wondering why I haven’t crossed the finish line.
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Audrey Mueller 22 minutes ago
I wanted to reward his perseverance. And since he was the type to ask if I’d had an orgasm, and I ...
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Alexander Wang 16 minutes ago
Somehow, I pulled a big finish out of thin air.Bad sex is like being stuck in gridlock traffic: You�...
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Aria Nguyen Member
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18 minutes ago
I wanted to reward his perseverance. And since he was the type to ask if I’d had an orgasm, and I didn’t want to lie, I focused really hard.
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Ethan Thomas 7 minutes ago
Somehow, I pulled a big finish out of thin air.Bad sex is like being stuck in gridlock traffic: You�...
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Mia Anderson Member
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14 minutes ago
Somehow, I pulled a big finish out of thin air.Bad sex is like being stuck in gridlock traffic: You’re there for the duration. And you wonder, with a mix of disappointment and frustration, if you’re ever going get where you want to be. You’re hardly alone in that particular jam.What is Spectatoring?Sexual disconnect is one of the main reasons couples land in sex therapists’ offices.
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Noah Davis 4 minutes ago
In fact, it happens so frequently that there’s actually a term for it: spectatoring.“You take yo...
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Sophie Martin Member
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24 minutes ago
In fact, it happens so frequently that there’s actually a term for it: spectatoring.“You take yourself out of the moment,” explains Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Conn., “and you’re kind of watching from above thinking, When will this be done? When should I fake an orgasm?
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David Cohen 9 minutes ago
Will he hurry up, because I’m going numb?” Of course, so-so sex is the worst when you love a man...
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Mason Rodriguez 7 minutes ago
But does it really matter, those of us with a cynical side might ask, especially if everything else ...
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Alexander Wang Member
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9 minutes ago
Will he hurry up, because I’m going numb?” Of course, so-so sex is the worst when you love a man and can see yourself riding off into the sunset with him. That’s when you really have to take the reins in hand and train your stallion to be the lover you want.
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Alexander Wang 3 minutes ago
But does it really matter, those of us with a cynical side might ask, especially if everything else ...
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Daniel Kumar 5 minutes ago
Quit Faking It Your guy is trying to get from point A (foreplay) to point B (your orgasm).But he’s...
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Grace Liu Member
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30 minutes ago
But does it really matter, those of us with a cynical side might ask, especially if everything else in the relationship is clicking?The answer, simply put, is yes. “Sex is the bond that repairs the wear and tear of life together,” says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of Frommer’s/AARP Places for Passion: The 75 Most Romantic Destinations in the World (FrommerMedia).Every long-term relationship has some angst, conflict and turmoil, she says.“[Sex] brings you back together and makes you feel like you’re able to connect and love again.”But transforming a lackluster lover into a breathtaking bed partner requires courage, creativity and tact.Here are 6 ways to create your own Casanova:
1.
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Natalie Lopez 13 minutes ago
Quit Faking It Your guy is trying to get from point A (foreplay) to point B (your orgasm).But he’s...
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Elijah Patel Member
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44 minutes ago
Quit Faking It Your guy is trying to get from point A (foreplay) to point B (your orgasm).But he’s never going to get there if you keep sending him down the wrong road. And that’s exactly what you’re doing if you give an Academy Award-winning performance that tells him he’s found your sweet spot when he’s not even in the ballpark.Put another way, if you fake it a lot you won’t get what you need because you’re steering your man in the wrong direction, Schwartz says.But there are times when it’s OK to “bring in some smoke and mirrors,” Schwartz says.
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Daniel Kumar 37 minutes ago
For example, when you’re reconnecting after a breakup. “When things are emotionally difficult be...
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Mason Rodriguez 20 minutes ago
In this case, “the guy needs reinforcement, and your relationship needs reinforcement. So just giv...
For example, when you’re reconnecting after a breakup. “When things are emotionally difficult between you and your partner, but he’s doing this masterful job to show you that he loves you, not having an orgasm may be more symbolically powerful than it should be,” Schwartz says.
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Hannah Kim 5 minutes ago
In this case, “the guy needs reinforcement, and your relationship needs reinforcement. So just giv...
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Elijah Patel 6 minutes ago
“It really will backfire on both of you if this becomes the ongoing answer to what is essentially ...
In this case, “the guy needs reinforcement, and your relationship needs reinforcement. So just give him the orgasm.”Or perhaps his ego is linked to whether or not you climax.“Some men take it very personally [if you don’t have an orgasm],” Schwartz explains. “If you don’t want to do relationship work at that moment but you’ll do it later, then you might want to do a great enactment of an orgasm.”Still, pull this trick out only on rare occasions.
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Kevin Wang 25 minutes ago
“It really will backfire on both of you if this becomes the ongoing answer to what is essentially ...
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Hannah Kim Member
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28 minutes ago
“It really will backfire on both of you if this becomes the ongoing answer to what is essentially a communication and relationship issue,” Schwartz cautions.One more crucial point: If you do fall back on theatrics, take it to your grave.“Don’t ever tell” your partner, she advises. “Once you tell them, they’ll wonder if you’re ever real.”2.
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William Brown 3 minutes ago
Speak Up, Nicely As children we all learned that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anyt...
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Audrey Mueller 5 minutes ago
“If you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious [to talk about it], that’s a sign of a problem ri...
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Lucas Martinez Moderator
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15 minutes ago
Speak Up, Nicely As children we all learned that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything. Which is fine when Great Aunt Gertrude gives you a puce, hand-knitted sweater.But staying silent doesn’t apply to your bedroom partner; so you’ll need to find a way to speak your mind when it comes to sex.“Everybody’s responsible for their own orgasm,” says Richard Siegel, a certified sex therapist in Boynton Beach, Fla.
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Ella Rodriguez 15 minutes ago
“If you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious [to talk about it], that’s a sign of a problem ri...
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Grace Liu 6 minutes ago
You can spare his feelings by combining a teeny white lie (“Mmm, that feels nice”) with some foc...
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Mia Anderson Member
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48 minutes ago
“If you’re too embarrassed or self-conscious [to talk about it], that’s a sign of a problem right out of the gate.”Be diplomatic, though. People think the other person will be hurt, Sugg says. “Or they get frustrated because they haven’t said anything and by the time they do, it comes out in a snarky way," Sugg says.That’s one reason to nip a problem in the bud (or bed), ideally.
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Julia Zhang Member
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You can spare his feelings by combining a teeny white lie (“Mmm, that feels nice”) with some focused, detailed guidance (“What would really send me to the moon is if you [your preference here].”).For example, does your partner have a tendency to cut to the main course while you want to linger over appetizers? Put a positive spin on your desire to slow down by saying something like, “This feels so good; can we do it a while longer?”“Instruct people in an erotic way,” Sugg says, “and it will probably be received pretty wonderfully.”If you’ve been faking for a while now, Schwartz offers this escape hatch: Simply tell him, “That technique is hit or miss. Every now and then I’ll have an orgasm that way, but really I need it this way.”3.
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Aria Nguyen 29 minutes ago
Tell – and Show Guys are visual. If words alone aren’t getting the message across, tap your inne...
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David Cohen 54 minutes ago
If you can pull it off while he’s busy below deck, even better.“It’s hands-on and they can fee...
Tell – and Show Guys are visual. If words alone aren’t getting the message across, tap your inner porn star and simply show him what you want.“A lot of men love to watch women masturbate,” Sugg says.Or take his hand and gently demonstrate how hard or soft you want to be touched.“For a woman to say, ‘I would love it if you would touch me like this’ would be awesome [for most men],” Siegel says. Or try this: Show your guy the kind of caresses you enjoy by licking or sucking on his fingers, Sugg suggests.
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Evelyn Zhang 8 minutes ago
If you can pull it off while he’s busy below deck, even better.“It’s hands-on and they can fee...
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Lucas Martinez 17 minutes ago
Unbutton his shirt and show him how you’d like it.4. Turn It Into a Game Make three lists: Things ...
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Sebastian Silva Member
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19 minutes ago
If you can pull it off while he’s busy below deck, even better.“It’s hands-on and they can feel what you’re asking for,” she says.By the way, this technique works anywhere on your body. Does your guy take the radio dial approach to nipple play?
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Kevin Wang 17 minutes ago
Unbutton his shirt and show him how you’d like it.4. Turn It Into a Game Make three lists: Things ...
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Maybe you’ll discover you both like role-play or want to try some of the positions in the Kama Sut...
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Ava White Moderator
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20 minutes ago
Unbutton his shirt and show him how you’d like it.4. Turn It Into a Game Make three lists: Things That Drive Me Wild, Things I’d Consider Trying and No Way, Jose! Sex therapists use this exercise to get couples talking about what works for them in bed and what doesn’t.But you can skip the professional session and do it together over drinks.
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Ryan Garcia Member
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Maybe you’ll discover you both like role-play or want to try some of the positions in the Kama Sutra.The exercise helps couples learn “that sex is about mutual pleasuring and fun and sharing intimacy instead of performance and pressure,” Siegel says.5. Praise Him One night my partner of 10 years stumbled quite by accident on an erogenous zone even I didn’t know about.“That!
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Andrew Wilson 29 minutes ago
That thing you just did! Do that more!” I managed to stammer between the shock waves.“Men love t...
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Aria Nguyen Member
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That thing you just did! Do that more!” I managed to stammer between the shock waves.“Men love that,” Sugg says.
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Ava White Moderator
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“They’ll do what we want, but we need to be able to tell them," she says. "That’s the key.”
6. Check In with HimTo paraphrase JFK’s famous quote, ask not what your man can do for you, but what you can do for your man.
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Isabella Johnson Member
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It’s a win-win situation.Getting him to talk about what he wants and what you could do to heighten his pleasure opens the door for you to express what you want in bed, Schwartz says.The result? Your mind will stop wandering to the pile of work on your desk and you might even call in sick so you can spend more time in the sack.
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Is Your Guy Bad in Bed Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Sexual Health
Is Your Guy Bad in...