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It isn’t limited to physical abuse, and it can occur in many different types of relationships. Licensed psychotherapist Mayra Mendez, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist, describes domestic violence as patterns of behaviors that occur within the context of a relationship, such as a marital relationship, a domestic partnership, or even a roommate. “The behaviors consist of many things, from assault to coercion,” explains Dr.
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Mendez, who is the program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John's Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California. “It could involve a pattern of deprivation — of love, food, or money — or humiliation, neglect, or basic self-care.
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The intent is to maintain power and control over the person.”
Not only can domestic violence be challenging to identify, but many victims feel shame and fear as a result of the abuse, making it difficult for them to come forward. In fact, Mendez explains, many victims blame themselves for the abuse. It’s also common for victims of domestic violence to feel as if they need to protect the perpetrators of the abuse, Mendez adds.
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According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), the reasons for this could include:Fear that their abuser could become more violent toward them or kill them.Believing that the abusive relationship is a mixture of good times along with abuse and manipulation.Fear of losing custody of any children they may have with the abuser, or that the abuser could harm or kill their children.
Why Celebrities Speaking Out Helps Others
When celebrities share their personal experiences with domestic violence, it can help give those who are still in abusive relationships, as well as survivors, a voice. Not to mention, it’s proof that domestic violence can truly happen to anyone.
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“The fact that they are visible people means they command a voice,” Mendez says. “When celebrities tell a story, people do listen.
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When they talk, it opens the door to disclose these things.”
It also helps decrease the stigma surrounding domestic violence and reduce feelings of embarrassment or shame for those experiencing abuse, Mendez adds.
Celebrities Who Have Experienced Domestic Violence
These 10 celebrities have been outspoken about their personal experiences with domestic violence in their families, romantic relationships, or professional lives:Christina Aguilera
Brian To/WENN.comChristina Aguilera focused on Julie Andrews singing “The Sound of Music” when the abuse she endured as a child overwhelmed her. “I felt caged by my childhood,” the singer told W Magazine in 2011.
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“And unsafe: Bad things happened in my home; there was violence.” Aguilera later said that her father was physically and emotionally abusive to her throughout her childhood. Aguilera said that her relationship with her then-husband, Jordan Bratman, helped her finally break the cycle of abuse.
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The "Beautiful" singer told Women’s Health in 2016 that after she and Bratman divorced in 2011, they remained amicable and “happily share custody” of their son, Max. "I never wanted Max to be around arguing or unnecessary discomfort," she said, referencing her experiences with childhood abuse. "I could be bitter about my childhood, but if anything, I'm thankful that I have that experience.
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I know my bigger purpose is to empower, to encourage other people to find their voice."
She also credited yoga for helping her heal from her traumatic childhood. “My whole life has been about 'fight or flight,' but yoga has helped me to appreciate the moment and be okay with the now,” she told Women’s Health.
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Aguilera has auctioned off concert tickets and memorabilia to benefit domestic violence charities, and supports the NCADV, Refuge, and the Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, among other causes.
Dwayne Haskins
Joe Sargent/Getty ImagesAlthough most victims of domestic violence are women, men can experience it, too.
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In fact, the NCADV states that 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. This rings true for Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Dwayne Haskins. In July 2021, the former Ohio State Buckeyes football player and his wife, Kalabrya Gondrezick-Haskins, had an altercation in their hotel room at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
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According to ESPN, the couple had traveled to Sin City to renew their wedding vows and celebrate with friends, when the pair got into an argument. The conflict escalated, with Gondrezick-Haskins allegedly punching her husband in the mouth, causing him to lose a tooth, according to a police report.
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Police were called to their hotel around 2:30 a.m. PDT, and Haskins was taken to the hospital.
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Gondrezick-Haskins faces a felony charge of battery and domestic violence resulting in bodily harm. The pair remain together, according to Haskins’s Instagram. *Haskins was struck and killed by a vehicle on a highway near Fort Lauderdale, Florida on April 9, 2022.
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He was 24.
Halle Berry
Mike Coppola/Getty Images“For a good chunk of my childhood, my mother was a battered woman,” Halle Berry revealed to NBC-TV’s Natalie Morales in an interview.
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“Domestic violence can happen to anyone, including celebrities,” said Berry. It’s not an issue of class or economics, it’s whether you value yourself enough to expect better treatment, she notes.
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The scars that came from watching her mother’s abuse at the hands of her father still linger, despite Berry’s extraordinary success. “I’ve struggled with self-worth problems.
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I never had to run to a shelter, but I have at times chosen the wrong partner, and I’ve run out the door if I suspected violence was possible,” she says. “Domestic partner abuse eventually erodes away a survivor's sense of self, making them doubt their ability to make good decisions, and shattering their self-esteem,” says Lisa Peaty, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist in private practice in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The scars also linger for Berry’s mother.
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“She’s still struggling with why she put up with the abuse, and why she put her kids in that environment,” the Ohio-born actress told Morales. Because of these experiences, Berry supports the Jenesse Center, a Los Angeles–based domestic violence intervention program that provides shelter, support, and other services to women in abusive relationships and to their children. “That’s what connects me to this organization,” said Berry at a 2015 event held to benefit the Jenesse Center.
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“I have an understanding, a knowing. I feel like I have something that I can impart to these women.
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It seems like I’ve overcome it, but I really haven’t. In the quiet of my mind, I still struggle.
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So, while I’m helping these women, I’m helping myself through it, too. And that’s largely why I’m here.”
RELATED: 5 Common Misconceptions About Domestic Violence
Charlize Theron
Jason Kempin/Getty ImagesYou know her as the multi-talented star of many films, including her Academy Award–winning role in Monster.
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But you might not have known that Charlize Theron witnessed horrific episodes of domestic violence during her childhood in South Africa. In an interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC's Primetime Thursday, Theron talked about those events.
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Her father, Charles, was an abusive alcoholic. One night, he returned home after drinking and began shooting into the house.
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Theron’s mother, Gerda, shot back and killed him. In court, the shooting was ruled an act of self-defense, and Theron’s mother was never charged.
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Theron told Sawyer that if she could change the past, “I would force my parents to get a divorce.” Today, she is a Messenger of Peace for the United Nations. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, some 10 million children in the United States witness parental violence each year — and abuse between partners heightens the risk that the child may also be abused. Young children experiencing abuse often show symptoms such as anxiety or increased fear, depression, loss of interest in school or activities they used to enjoy, sleep problems, and increased aggression, among others.
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Patrick Stewart
Slaven Vlasic/Getty ImagesDistinguished, award-winning actor Sir Patrick Stewart grew up in fear of his abusive father, a World War II military veteran. Stewart, who was made a knight of the Order of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth for his contributions to acting, has said, “As a child, I witnessed his repeated violence against my mother, and the terror and misery he caused was such that, if I felt I could have succeeded, I would have killed him.” Not only did Stewart feel he had nowhere to go for help as a child, but he also said that the authorities often condoned the violence. When called to the house after his father violently abused his mother, he remembers, the police or emergency medical workers would comment, “She must have provoked him,” or “Mrs.
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Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.”
Nothing could be further from the truth, says Stewart: “Violence is a choice a man makes, and he alone is responsible for it.”
Sir Patrick is a patron of Refuge, which opened the world’s first safe house for women and children escaping domestic violence in West London in 1971.
Rihanna
Paul Archuleta/Getty ImagesOne of the most talked-about examples of domestic violence occurred in 2009 when rapper Chris Brown tried to push his then-girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, out of his car. The night before the Grammy awards that year, he banged her head against a passenger window and punched her repeatedly.
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He threatened to beat her again once they got home, but Rihanna had her assistant call the police, who arrested Brown and charged him with two felonies. Brown pled guilty to felony assault by means likely to cause great bodily injury and was sentenced to five years’ probation and 180 days of community labor. He was also ordered via restraining order to stay away from Rihanna.
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But, Rihanna later had the restraining order against Brown lifted, and the two briefly reconciled — a scenario that’s not uncommon among victims of domestic violence, the NCADV reports. “I was that girl,” said Rihanna in a November 2015 story in Vanity Fair. “That girl who felt that as much pain as this relationship is maybe I’m one of those people built to handle s*** like this.
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Maybe I’m the person who’s almost the guardian angel to this person, to be there when they’re not strong enough … when they just need someone to encourage them in a positive way and say the right thing.”
Eventually, Rihanna told Vanity Fair, she realized she couldn’t change Brown and deserved to be treated better by a romantic partner. She walked away from the relationship for good in 2013. Still, her emotional scars lingered.
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In 2015, Rihanna told Vanity Fair, “I’m always concerned about whether people have good or bad intentions.”
Tyler Perry
Axelle/Getty ImagesOne of Hollywood’s most successful Renaissance men, Tyler Perry is an entertainment empire unto himself, with hit films, plays, and a bestselling book to his credit. But he began life as Emmitt Perry Jr., a name he changed to distance himself from his abusive father, who had an alcohol addiction. He once described Perry Sr.
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as a man “whose answer to everything was to beat it out of you.”
But his father wasn’t the only abuser in Perry’s young life. He told People in 2009 that when he was 10, a friend’s mother sexually assaulted him. And his grandmother bathed him in ammonia to rid him of his allergies.
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Perry told People that the most important lesson he learned was to forgive those who hurt him. “I know that there are a lot of people out there with stories far worse than mine but you, too, can make it. To those of you who have, welcome to life,” he said.
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April Hernandez-Castillo
Joel GrimesAmong her many roles, April Hernandez-Castillo has appeared on the TV shows Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and Prodigal Son, and in the film Freedom Writers. Her success belies a daunting past — as a teenager and young adult, Hernandez-Castillo’s then-boyfriend abused her physically and emotionally. Like many people who have experienced domestic violence, she felt ashamed and didn’t tell anyone, remaining in the abusive relationship for nearly a decade. These days, she balances her acting career with a ministry she began with her husband, Jose.
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She is a certified youth chaplain who visits youth facilities in New York City. “I realize that all of these kids have powerful stories to tell. I want them to know that their story can be powerful help to others. They can take their mess and make it into a message, and create something positive no matter the situation,” said Hernandez-Castillo.
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Debbi Morgan
JD/WENN.comIf you were an All My Children fan, you’ll know Debbi Morgan as Angie Baxter Hubbard, a role that won her a daytime Emmy award. But in real life, she’s a woman who lived with domestic violence for most of her life.
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In 2015, Morgan shared some of her experiences with Oprah Winfrey on a segment of Oprah: Where Are They Now? In one chilling memory, Morgan recalls how her father kicked down their front door and choked her mother with a pole. “My mother was trying to scream, but she couldn’t get anything out.
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It was terrifying to see that as a little girl,” Morgan told Winfrey. As an example of how childhood domestic violence can mar a person’s life, Morgan was married to three abusive men before breaking the cycle with her current husband, according to a story in People in 2015. Morgan’s memoir about her experiences, The Monkey on My Back, was published in June 2015.
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Mariska Hargitay
Ilya S. Savenok/Getty ImagesThough she hasn’t personally experienced domestic violence, in her iconic role as Detective Olivia Benson on the long-running TV drama, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Mariska Hargitay has lived, breathed — and even solved — unspeakable crimes against women and children.
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In 2004, she founded the Joyful Heart Foundation, a national organization that has served many survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence and the professionals who help them. “Being around that subject matter every day seeps into my consciousness,” she told People magazine in March 2015. “When I first did research for my role on SVU, I couldn’t believe the statistics of abuse — and the letters I’d get from viewers disclosing their own stories,” Hargitay said.
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Joyful Heart participated in the No More public service announcement campaign, geared toward ending domestic violence and sexual assault by increasing public awareness of these issues. To date, more than 75 celebrities, athletes, and public figures have participated in the campaign.
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How to Get Help for Yourself or Someone You Know
Getty ImagesDon’t judge the person who is being abused.Avoid telling the victim that they need to leave. Instead, discuss a safety plan, Mendez advises. “It’s important to help the person think along the lines of developing a safety plan and then consider steps of how they're going to implement it,” she says.Don’t tell the victim that the abuser is a jerk.
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That could drive the victim away or make them feel like they have to defend their abuser.Become the victim’s confidante. Listen to everything they tell you. If they go to the authorities about the abuse, you could be a good witness later by backing up their story.Assure the person that they can speak to you in confidence, and that you can help them through it.For urgent help, contact the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline online or by dialing 1-800-799-7233.
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In an extreme emergency, call 911.Teens experiencing domestic violence in a romantic relationship can text “loveis” to 22522 to get help via text from LoveIsRespect.org, a resource that empowers young people to prevent and end dating abuse.If you’re experiencing abuse, consider telling your primary care doctor or a mental health professional who can help.If a child is witnessing domestic violence, know that this is a form of child abuse, and you must report it to the authorities.Suggest that the victim — and the perpetrator, if possible — seek mental health support.Additional reporting by Celia Shatzman and Christina Vogt.
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